sick..unable to eat..unable to drink..i wonder in my deepest slumber..how am i going to survive tomorrow..


and not even a single soul cares shit anymore


ur random late night text really made me confused..i noe it does'nt mean anything but it mde me missed u so..

Labels: surounded by bugs..now i'm affected..

its not love..maybe its juz infatuation..or maybe its over concern..i haf this feeling for u but i juz bite my tongue n keep it quiet because i dun wanna make things any worst..i like the way we are now so i juz stay that way..

"its like a sore in the throat..irritating..but we all live in the same world..breathing the same air..why is it so difficult to connect.."

i noe..a short post..thanks syam..it inspires me to write something short but super meaningful..lol..

Labels: well yea..i do like u..

another day at work..another hard labour..but i luckily manage to survive the day..well barely..after work went to met fariz and syam..fetch fad at vivo..den off to mac near holland..apparently fad have a fan there..lol..we were like having laughters all night..
den off to syam's blk to chill a while..sheila came down too..chit chatting till now..
hmm..i guess thats all i have to say now..ya i noe rite..boring day..


yea u're the smart one..i'm the dumb ass..i'll forget i even had that little feelings for u (hu would'nt)..i should'nt haf but it happened and i was happy den..i noe wat i'm going to do now..un worry it wont affect anything..


"i'll juz bite my tongue,
and i dun wan to speak these words,
cause i, i dun wanna make things any worst"

Labels: tiger lily

so..another day at training..slacking too much already..time to start back MY type of training soon..well fad say we can start after the shows ended..haish..anyway..i really dun like the attitude some people are showing during trainings..stretching is an automatic thing..u dun haf to be asked to stretch..u do it on ur own accord..i dun wanna say names but once official training starts dun blame the seniors for being rough..thats for training stuffs..
aft training went down to civic for a chill session..some monkeys decide to climb up the wooden pondok and take some photos..lol..had a bit of fun and laughters..but this awful thing in my mind keeps disturbing my peace..
its like a twirl in my head..i dunno y but it still occured to me that i still care..but y is it that u haf to be acting the way ppl are saying u are?if u were not or if u're sensible enough i would haf still bothered about u..but its the thing of the past now..i juz hope this time round it wont be the same..if it were to happen though..which i doubt so it will..

"i strongly haf some tingling feel when u're around..but i try to avoid it because i noe u would'nt let go of him that easy.."

lets juz say i'm like an emo shit now..which i should'nt be..but hell..hu cares anyway...

u walk passed me with ur earphones in ur ear and i said i love u aloud but i noe u would'nt hear..


"and i want to speak this words,
but i guess i'll juz bite my tongue,
and accept somedays, somehow,
as the words that we'll hang from,
cause i dun want to make things any worst.."

Labels: it juz happened that i like u a lot..

confused....

i dunno wat to be thinking..wat to be done..wat to be felt..
wat is this confusion running thru me?is it u?or u again?or is it juz my imagination..
the way u are now..its so different..and the way u are is so unpredictabe..i dun noe wat i shud be thinking..or i shud'nt be thinking anything..but why is it so difficult to not keep my eyes of u..its like an addiction..aaarrrgghhh...i dunno anything anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



-=SouL=-



its u i'm thinking about now..
but its juz not right for me to be doing..
no one care's anyway..

26 july '09

woke up at 9am..woke kechik up..went to bathe and str8 to potong pasir to fetch kechik..thanks for accompanying me to yewtee to return the van..
aft that trained down to jurong point for my show..did a little stretching..and registering the routine which i juz got to learned in 5 mins..like i noe..rite...lol..
1:3o is the show and i shud say we did an awesome job..GO SPHYNTRIX!!!!!!aft the show waited to see f2dm dance and also the fashion show..and waited again till 6 plus for the same show..cant help it la..very fun..lol..
aft everything went 'lepakings' at titanic..and oh my goodness fad and i'in really entertain us the whole night..there was so much laughter everyone went back wit a cramped stomach hahakz...
so yeah thats basically my day..tmr training..hope to see everyone..i mean..everyone!!!
hahakz..thats all for tonight..

..SouL..


this time no one is going to noe anything..i'm keeping it to myself..

u shud noe better..hu u are..

and yes..i hope u can juz leave me alone..stop caring for me like u used to..we're juz normal frens now..i dun wish for anything more anymore..

i've fallen yet again..but this time b4 i fall in the deep dark well..i'd rather juz let it be how it is now..it feel better this way den getting hurt..

Labels: ku rase ku syg dengan mu...i think..i dun noe...

Juz got back after a long day..went to jurong point to watch dem Sphyntrix and f2dm shows..but i missed Sphyntrix's show because i was late..lol..had fun watching f2dm dance..and thanks ppl for 'saboing' me to go on stage to play that game..i was eating seh at that time!!n thanks kechik for accompanying me on stage hahakz..
after that went down to wisma to spot Sphyntrix's last show for the midnight shopping thingy..was fun but tring too..
tmr's gonna be my first show after soo long..yeah!! so i gonna rest now..

SouL signing off...


sometimes...its right beside u and u dn even realise it..

be the b****...trust me i dun givea shit anymore...so dun bother...

hypocrytes are being hated..ure lucky ure a fren to me...

i am wat i am..and adding up to the disappointment is wat i saw today..i dun think those texts mean anything now..i juz haf the feelings its juz for the sake of sending..to make me feel better?i dunno..is it?i dun care anymore..about anything anymore..about you..about her..about she..about everybody..i'm not the one u can juz push around with..do not take advantage of my kindness because i can get ugly when i get mad..its gud enuf that i tell u to leave me alone..thts the better thing for u to do and for me to really give up like wat u wanted..u thought we were okay?well i haf to remind u that i'm juz wearing a mask..being plastic..so as i dun drop tears infront of anyone..to learn to control is to suffer..yes i'm suffering..yet no one is ever really there for me..and everytime i juz haf to climb myself back up frm where i fall..fcuk life..why am i even born..........

Labels: leave me alone

Like my post title says..i guess i am not gonna fall into the drain and get wet again..i realise wat i shud do and all thanks to u 'ke ai'..hahakz..

Tues,
same ol' same ol' early in the morning went to work..mickey was late today..tot he'd never wake up..but he did and joined us in the afternoon..work was..well same as every other day..tiring like hell..and the whole time i'm wishing that we could end early so that i could go for training..but den again as usual..we onl get to end work at 8pm..damn it..

after work went str8 home to shower and change..reached rp around 9 plus..everyone's aready slacking..tried twisting to hands with i'in..but failed both attempts..u gotta lock ur legs adeq!!!also tried heights wit kechik..also never lock..sorry daxiong almost sprain ur ankle..hee..aft training sent the team to wld mrt..den qid and gegerl to home and also nizam..den off to amk sening maomao..had fries as my first meal of the day..haha literally..den to phy's place..talked things a bit..but din end that well..anyhows str8 off to potong pasir sending kechik home..thanks kechik for cheering me up..ad ya the fries also haha lucky i never choke u ass..and i had fun talking to u guys juz now..

life has been so difficult for me now..problems everywhere i go..i'm not confused anymore but why is it everytime u send me those type of msg i would feel guilty and wanna text u back..i controlled myself today because ireally dunno wat to reply u phy..phy..its even hard now to call u xz..haish..

i dun wan to hate u..but if u continue wat 're doing my heart will eventually grow its own hatred..i'm trying to move on but u're not helping..even though u are the one hu told me to give up..so wat is it that u're trying to do?i juz dun understand..i dun wanna think anymore..i wan to sleep it off tonight..i'm tired..tired of life..

wan_SouL signing off..

peace out..

Labels: it better off this way

well never tot it'd end up this way..i din wan to haf to be this way..maybe its me..maybe it u..maybe its us..well i cant think anymore..let it be now..watever happens i guess happens for a reason..so the story haf now come to an end..no more questions..no more tears..no more assurance..everything has come into the light to me now..tho' i still dun understand u but i noe very well that i wont fall again..once bitten twice shy? i need to get bitten thrice b4 i get it in my head..thanks to someone for putting it in my head..


10am:
went to yishun one to collect some tablecloth..den off to yewtee to return the van to uncle..i'm not working today so the van will not be in my possesion today..

1030am:
otw home on the train..i look into each and everyone in the train..thinking wat they might be thinking..do they have problems like i have now..or worst?or better?hu wud haf known..

1100am:
bought lunch for mum..lontong for her..and i got myself korean saba fish set at Banquet..and also some salmon sushi at the basement..damn i really miss eating sushi so i go 8 of them salmon and 2 kanis..

12noon:
watching queens of langkasuka on dvd while having lunch..its a thai movie about sorcery..its kinda cool movie..i actually enjoyed it..

3pm:
so damn sleepy..i gonna take a nap..

7pm:
am bored..watching jumper on dvd..holding on to hp hoping for someone to text..well..maybe i'm dreaming..y wud someone text me for no reason..haha..yea i'm going crazy..muz b the after effects of the booze last night..

10pm:
.............................
whole day rotting at home..hallucinating..dreaming..hoping..
shud haf juz go to work..damn..



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i wish i could tell u..somehow its juz not right..i noe so well its almost impossible for us..so i guess i'll juz take a step back and leave u alone..thats the best thing to do..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Labels: i may fall but i can climb back up

now its really over..after wat u haf told me really breaks my heart..but at least i noe now it wont keep hurting me..nuff' said..i noe u wont be reading this but i juz feel like sharing it to the world..coz thats my life..shit life..n i tot i would not g crazy and do stupid stuffs but i dunno how i lost control of mysef juz now and did something regretable..i feel so damn guilty now..i can never be forgiven now..i'm sorry for my mistakes..i hope it'll be forgotten..i'm juz lucky i took control after everything felt so wrong..if not i would'nt noe wat else might happen..wat a mad mad world..haiz..i still feel very guilty..i wanna hit myself against the wall..bye..time for self punishent..

-=SouL=- signing off..

Labels: off to the middle of the road

my tears run down like razorblades,
and no, i'm not the one to blame,
its you, or is it me?
and all the words we never say,come out and now we're all ashamed,
and there's no sense in playing games,
when you've done all you can do,

i lose myself in all these fights,
i lose my sense of wrong and right,
i cry, i cry,
it's shaking from the pain that's in my head,
i just wanna crawl into my bed,and throw away the life i led,
but i won't let it die,

i'm falling apart, i'm falling apart,
don't say this wont last forever,you're breaking my heart,
don't tell me that we will never be together
we could be over,

but it's over, it's over, why is it over,
we had a chance to make it,
now it's over, it's over, it can't be over,
i wish that i could take it back,
but it's over...

Labels: i'll always miss you..

Thanks my dear frens for the supportive words. I'm somewhat grateful to have people like you all as friends.

TeddyTora, aku tau la, cume aku ingat this time round aku jumpe yang same macam made. But then harapan aku hancur la pulak. Tapi tak mengapa. Aku masih boleh bertahan lagi!! Kau tu, gi jage diri baek2. Da nak kahwin jangan noti noti!!! Hahakz!!

MaoMao n HsinMin, guess you both noe who i'm talking about on my previous posts. Thanks for caring, like i said no worries, im fine. Just still disappointed. In myself that is. Hope to see ya guys soon, as i wont be attending practice for the time being. Practice hard ok!!!!

Its already 1am and i'm still awake!!! hahakz..Crashing in at Nana's for tonight, coz' she was bored. Gonna wake at 7am to send Nana to work, then i go to work. What a boring life luh!! Luckily i'm having fun at work, thnks mick aka dinie for cheering me up at work, to AhLan too!! MAW brothers always finish early!! Hhakz.

So today is thursday, still deciding to go for the media coverage or not, dunno if there's training or not. Nonetheless i think i will spent my time with Siti tonight. Troubled girl, i feel pity for her. For those who dunno, Siti is my best girlfriend for more then 7 yrs now. We were there for each other if anyone of us had any problems. Then suddenly we jst lost contact, now we're back in contact and she's in a big whirlwind of problems. Guess as a gud friend i should be there for her.

Well, guess thats it for tnight, i got nutin else to type about. Until nxt time.

Wan_SouL signing off..

Labels: guess i'm ok but i still miss u..

Labels: I Miss You

Labels: its all about u

hello;im IRWAN
24
IM MR NICEEE =)
i say wadeva i want in here.
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